Gay Man's Inhumanity to Gay Man

I was recently commissioned to write a play by a psychologist/feminist who is a dear friend of mine. She did not have a storyline or a concept, just an issue, an alarming issue that has become so utterly commonplace in our society that I didn't even realize this was a problem until I finally accepted it and realized how self-destructive woman actually are to one another.

This is a very, very taboo topic that upsets many women who take offense at the accusation that no, womanhood has not become this united force to be reckoned with that the feminist movement of our Mothers and Grandmothers fought and hoped for. As a matter of fact women of late have done the exact opposite and subconsciously turned on their own kind in that classic womanly way- indirect aggression.

My friend wanted this topic, this epidemic in my opinion, to be opened for discussion via a play. Right now I am just researching further, although I've come to realize that my knowledge and first-hand experience of woman's inhumanity to woman is already pretty fruitful.

I'm currently reading a book, one of many she gave me to read, aptly titled "Woman's Inhumanity to Woman" by Phyllis Chesler. Despite the fact that I think this book should be mandatory reading for any woman, of any age or stage of life is indifferent.
What truly struck me almost instantly was something else that isn't really being acknowledged and is just sort of accepted as commonplace behavior, despite the fact that it is self-destructive and toxic, and that is gay man's inhumanity to gay man. It's always perplexed me and I'll be perfectly honest it's the main reason I don't socialize with gay men in my private life.

Well, that may be a stretch.
I have gay acquaintances whom I don't mind at all and care for on a strictly I-Say-Hello-&-How-Are-You-When-I-See-You-Once-A-Year level. I also date and am always open to a relationship when not in one, but other than a romantic involvement I rarely, rarely meet a gay man I have the desire to be friends with. Is this because I would rather fuck every gay man I meet rather than just go see a movie... no, not at all. In fact I'd rather not fuck the majority of gay men that I meet, trust me. These days celibacy sounds like a smarter choice everyday, or at least easier. I choose not to 'hang out' or be close friends with gay men simply because of gay man's inability to be mature, civil, supportive or unified with one another. They're all out to get each other, as are women, and I refuse to place myself in that toxic environment. However, I don't seem to mind placing myself constantly into the female version of all this; perhaps that's because no matter how gay I am or how close to another woman I become I'm still an outsider to woman's inhumanity to woman because I'll never actually be a woman whereas with gay man's inhumanity to gay man I somehow feel shameful because I am indirectly part of all this, no matter how few gay men I actually interact with or how far I distance myself from that toxic way of thinking and behaving. There isn't anything I could ever do that wouldn't make me a gay man (sorry all you Christians) and in turn will never completely remove me from the problem, therein I feel guilt.

It has now become one of my life missions to stop, or at least bring awareness to this under discussed and often ignored problem in both heterosexual women and homosexual men.

Below I am including passages from Ms. Chesler's book, however I have changed every "woman" to "gay man" as a testament and example. If you are a woman, imagine every "gay man" actually saying "woman", as it was originally written or everyone can read it like it is. What amazes me is that I can actually remove the word "woman" and it still makes perfect sense and has complete fluidity in the context of a "gay man".

Please read this with an open mind and see this as merely a very, very small tip of a much larger ice berg. Reading may not always be fun (even though it really is) but please, if you are a woman or a gay man go to the library or the book store and please, please, please pick up a copy of "Woman's Inhumanity to Woman" by Phyllis Chesler; read it as a woman, read it in the context of a gay man, read it for everyone you know and help bring this issue into the light.

Because I won't be shutting up about this anytime soon, and I'd much rather you join me in the discussion then feel left out. Wouldn't you?

Ignorance does not make a revolution; by ignoring this advice, you're ignorant.

"Recent studies and crime statistics confirm that heterosexual men are aggressive in direct and dramatic ways. Although most gay men are not directly or physically violent, gay men are highly aggressive, but in indirect ways. The targets of such gay male aggression are not heterosexual men- but other gay man."

"Have you ever heard a gay man berate and bully another gay male, but then as soon as that person is around they are a different, nicer person. Or when a gay salesperson who, within the same hour, exudes charm toward his heterosexual male customers, but is irritable, short-tempered and just plain bitchy with fellow gay male customers. Most gay men shrug these indignities off or minimize them. They do not allow them to enter consciousness."

"Because heterosexual male aggression is both so visible and so deadly, it tends to obscure our view of gay male violence and aggression, which is more often subtle, less visible, but chronic. Gay male-gay male violence has, erroneously, been deemed unimportant; it is unlikely to result in someone's immediate death or serious physical injury."

"As most gay men know, another gay man can make life hell, on a moment-by-moment basis, for any other gay man whom he envies, fears, or with whom he must compete for resources.
Gay male rivalries tend to support, not disrupt, the status quo. Thus, in order to survive or to improve their own lot, most gay men, like heterosexual men, collude in the subordination of gay men as a class."

"I believe that gay men psychologically tame other gay men into conformity by threatening to withdraw their considerable capacity for emotional intimacy for any gay man whose growth or change of circumstance threatens the status quo"



PLEASE NOTE: In the above post I have made many, many "politically incorrect" generalizations about woman and men, of both sexualities. As I have long been a feminist, gay rights activist, and proud supporter of minorities of any kind I do realize that I am relying heavily on stereotypes to draw my conclusions and I do understand that anything I speak of, in any context, does not always pertain to every single member of that particular community or group. However, I also feel our fear of stereotypes, which society now teaches are unjustly derived, is what holds us back from acknowledging things like woman and gay man's inhumanity towards one another. I will often refer to stereotypical assumptions about any given group or community now and forever until I have been proven without a doubt that stereotypes are not accurate, because despite how taboo it is, I believe 90% of all stereotypes are accurate- the majority of woman treat each other like shit, the majority of heterosexual men cannot keep their dick in their pants, the majority of black people in this world are less educated and less financially stable than I as a white man will ever be, and the majority of gay men do fuck around way too much and hate each other. No, not all, but most. And that is the problem! Do I think that's right? No, I like black people more then I've ever liked any white person, including myself, so I would much rather see their community prosperous and educated to the extent of those ungrateful white assholes, but that isn't the truth! If you personally have a problem with the belief that 90% of all stereotypes are true, then I wouldn't read my blog again, because I feel otherwise and will not censor these feelings on this site anytime soon.

NOTE: I, Justin Meisner, did not receive permission from Phyllis Chesler or Nation Books to reprint experts from the book "Woman's Inhumanity to Woman", nor did I receive permission to replace the word "woman" in the excerpts with "gay man/men". This was merely an exercise to prove a point and most importantly to bring awareness to this book in an attempt to get more people to read it. You can sue me if you want. The statements and opinions expressed on this website and the above blog are those solely of it's author and webmaster, Justin Meisner, and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of Phyllis Chesler or Nation Books.